My First Roller Derby Experience

February 28th, 2010 by The Polski Samurai, under Why are you reading this?. No Comments

The Pivots and Blockers eagerly take their positions while crowd roars in anticipation for the official’s signal. The Jammers hold steady, thirty feet behind their fellow teammates and competitors. The first whistle is sounded and the pack skates forward hugging the inside lane. Quickly, two more whistles are blown and the Jammers sprint off, engaging the violent horde. Weaving, twisting, and shifting the Jammers glide by following their fellow Blockers while evading the Pivot from the opposing team. It’s a race around the track with no finish line and the Jammers need to pick up the pace.

If you have no idea what I’m describing then you obviously have never heard of roller derby. A contact sport that has evolved over several generations, roller derby involves roller skaters circling around a large flat track to maintain lead positions and scoring points. I was introduced to the game last week when a friend of the family happened to buy tickets for the Windy City Rollers in Chicago.  He asked me if I have ever seen a roller derby match. I simply stated that not only have I never seen one but also I didn’t know anything about it. So naturally, I wanted to spark my curiosity and not pass up on the opportunity.

When I arrived at the UIC Pavilion, we were welcomed by very tall women (because they were all wearing roller skates) with tattoos and grungy clothing. With smiles on their faces, they were passing out pamphlets that read “Roller Derby 101 – Talk Derby to Me.”  I warmly accepted the offer and noticed these pamphlets were a quick run through of the rules.  As we proceeded into the arena, I was shocked to see where our seats were located. My friend and his father (who I was with at the time) just laughed and couldn’t believe we had floor seats for the cheap price.

We took our seats about fifteen to twenty feet away from the track and I instantly observed my surroundings. With two levels of seating, the upper decks were primarily empty while the lower sections were nearly full of loyal fans. Alternative and punk rock music boomed over the stadium’s speakers while the skaters were making warm up laps. The two announcers, with flashy bright suites and enthusiastic charismas, were pumping up the crowed by passing out t-shirts and discussing key matchups for each team.  One of the most unique attributes of roller derby that quickly screamed out to me was the use of stage names for nearly every player. Aliases are used with creative allusions of violent, sexual, or pop culture references that are written in the back of each of the players’ uniforms. Some that stood out for me were Beth Amphetamine, Sassy Squash, Diana Hoss, Zombea Arthur, and Juanna Rumbel. Even the officials join in on the fun with names like Oedipus Ref and Stegoscorus.

After soaking in the environment, I looked over the rules pamphlet to get a general idea how the game is played. To be honest, I was still a little confused but had a feeling it would make much more sense once the games commenced.  When the hour approached and the announcers finished leading the audience in cheers, the skaters took the stage. There were four teams and the night would consist of two games. The first matchup was between Manic Attackers vs. Double Crossers. Each team had their own type of pregame introduction where each player got announced individually then proceeded with fired up motions and crowd pleasing gestures. Finally, the starters took their places and the first match began.

The three positions in roller derby are the Pivots, Blockers, and Jammers. The main objective of the game is for the Jammers to attain lead jam status then score points after each Blocker lapped. The game continues for two minutes or until the lead Jammer feels it’s most strategic to end the round early by placing both hands on her hips. The Pivots and Blockers jobs are to assist their own team’s Jammer or by obstructing the opposing team’s Jammer. Whipping teammates around an edge, forming walls to hold players back, and tons of hip checking are the most common forms of physical contact skaters endure. As quoted from the pamphlet I received, “No fake fights, no fluff. All the action you’ll witness tonight is 100-percent athleticism.” No argument here.

Roller derby is a fast paced game in short intervals, which is very good for someone who is just learning. After every round I started to pick up on the rules a little bit more and more. At the same time it was also distracting when you’re just about to understand some strategy then a skater goes flying out of the ring. There were many lead changes with a wide variety of skaters, each with different styles and techniques. I honestly didn’t know who to root for but it didn’t matter.

My only concern is that you can only truly enjoy the sport in person. I cannot see myself glued to the TV every Saturday night for an entire season. The atmosphere is what really drew me in and that essence is lost if I’m not there in person. However, there are several mainstream sports that have the same effect and still maintain steady ratings. Since 1935, roller derby has suffered several misconceptions of being a form of sports entertainment versus a sport. Regardless what has happened in the past, the new revived “grassroots” league has really put more emphasis on athleticism and it will continue to prosper if it sticks to this formula.

After some great match ups and a good understanding of the game, I felt satisfied. I was entertained for hours and witnessed many athletes give it their all. From my understanding the players do not get paid for competing. In fact, they’re the ones to who have to pay to be on a league. Even the participants and officials volunteer on their own free will because they love and respect the game so much. The image and attitude roller derby portrays while still establishing itself as an organized sport creates a fun experience for a wide range of audiences. So make a sign, put on some eye black, and cheer for these ladies from Hades.

For more detailed rules of roller derby or interested in attending a bout, go to the Windy City Rollers main website: http://www.windycityrollers.com/

I figure I have more medals than you

February 21st, 2010 by The Polski Samurai, under Fay & Snob. No Comments

SNOB:
This is stupid.

FAY:
What’s that?

SNOB:
Figure skating.

FAY:
What are you talking about? Wait, you’re watching figure skating?

SNOB:
Yeah. I want to watch the Olympics but this is the only thing they’re showing.

FAY:
What’s wrong with figure skating?

SNOB:
It’s so pretentious. Men and women wearing overly flamboyant clothing, sticking their noses up in the air, and being all fanatical about who can dance around in circles the best is not my idea of entertainment. Stupid.

FAY:
I’d like to see you memorize a four and half minute routine then trying to land on your feet after three full rotations.

SNOB:
Sorry but my talents are needed elsewhere.

FAY:
What’s wrong with you? Figure skating takes years to master with only a select few who can even participate in the Olympic Games.  Those skaters are no less talented, or possibly more talented, than the athletes in bobsledding, ski jumping, and… curling. Dammit.

SNOB:
Don’t knock on the curling.

FAY:
Anyway, figure skating is full of great stories, competition, and upsets. Hell, there was an upset this year with the American over the Russian.

SNOB:
I just don’t like the fact that there isn’t any hard proof who determines the winner. It isn’t who can skate the fastest or jump the highest. It’s a bunch of judges who, in their opinion, rate skaters on how well they “perform.”

FAY:
But there are a lot of obvious mark-offs when a skater falls down or wobbles when doing  a spin.

SNOB:
True, but if you have two skaters who don’t do either of those things then it’s all up to artist interpretation.

FAY:
Like this year.

SNOB:
Exactly. Lysacek defeats Plushenko by a single point. Neither of them fell down. Now how do you choose a winner?

FAY:
You seem to know a lot about the sport for one who hates it so much.

SNOB:
Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing they air. The announcers praise the USA for winning the gold in figure skating out of all the medals America has tallied up. And that’s another thing. Medal counts. Why do they do that? I thought the Olympics were about representing your country and doing the best you can in the event you’re passionate about. Not a global competition to determine which country is the best by who has the most medals.

FAY:
I don’t know. Maybe it’s for all the people who don’t know a thing about the majority of the events. As long as their country is winning, they don’t care.

SNOB:
Sweet, curling is coming on next.

FAY:
Oh geeze.   How can you sit there and knock on an event where athletes are in the best shape of their lives then move onto the slowest paced sport in all of the Games.

SNOB:
Because curling rocks.

FAY:
You probably just want to turn it into a drinking game of some sort.

SNOB:
It’s already a drinking game. They just can’t do it in the Olympics.

FAY:
Even if they did, America would still lose.

SNOB:
Chalk another medal up for the Germans. So I guess that makes them overall number seven in the medal counts.  Why do they do that?

FAY:
Ugh. Listen. The last event for figure skating is coming on later and I would like to watch it without any idiotic commentary.

SNOB:
Impossible. I don’t even have to say anything. The announcers do that to themselves.

FAY:
I’m gonna triple salchow your face.

What the hell have I been doing?

February 20th, 2010 by The Polski Samurai, under Why are you reading this?. No Comments

Life is distracting. Hours turn to days, days into weeks, weeks into months. We have all heard this before. I look back at this blog and wonder what the hell has happened over the course of 6 months. Well, I worked on the Are We Dead Yet? web comic for several issues. However, this project took a couple months hiatus do to the holidays, my 9-5  job, and trying to sync up schedules with my co-creator. It looks like the comic is starting to come back… slowly but surely.  In addition, there have been several freelance requests regarding custom built websites, photography, and graphic design that took up several weekends. And of course we cannot forget the powerful influence of alcohol whether it’s at home alone or at a bar with friends. After saying this, it just seems like I’m making up excuses. Yes, some vindications are legit but comes off as weak to me. I’m currently in search for  motivators which will reorient my brain, crack my knuckles, and put fire in the belly.

I found some old work of mind the other night. After viewing all the images I couldn’t help to remember my state of mind I was in while creating. I don’t know where I’m going with this so I’ll just post them:

Brian and Brian: Two old friends who I don’t see or talk to anymore.

I guess after going in circles throughout this post the bottom line is I need to make more time for myself. We cannot ignore all the obstacles that are all around us. Sometimes we need to take an hour break or a night off and do what makes you happy. My problem is I don’t know what that is yet but at least I will make the time to expand the brain rather than deteriorate it. Maybe I’m just a natural procrastinator or pretending that something is there which it isn’t. I probably won’t ever read this post again because it will eventually lead me to go on another long absence once again. Let’s end this with something positive. I have a great beard now growing for 6 weeks straight.