I figure I have more medals than you

February 21st, 2010 by The Polski Samurai, under Fay & Snob. No Comments. 288 views

SNOB:
This is stupid.

FAY:
What’s that?

SNOB:
Figure skating.

FAY:
What are you talking about? Wait, you’re watching figure skating?

SNOB:
Yeah. I want to watch the Olympics but this is the only thing they’re showing.

FAY:
What’s wrong with figure skating?

SNOB:
It’s so pretentious. Men and women wearing overly flamboyant clothing, sticking their noses up in the air, and being all fanatical about who can dance around in circles the best is not my idea of entertainment. Stupid.

FAY:
I’d like to see you memorize a four and half minute routine then trying to land on your feet after three full rotations.

SNOB:
Sorry but my talents are needed elsewhere.

FAY:
What’s wrong with you? Figure skating takes years to master with only a select few who can even participate in the Olympic Games.  Those skaters are no less talented, or possibly more talented, than the athletes in bobsledding, ski jumping, and… curling. Dammit.

SNOB:
Don’t knock on the curling.

FAY:
Anyway, figure skating is full of great stories, competition, and upsets. Hell, there was an upset this year with the American over the Russian.

SNOB:
I just don’t like the fact that there isn’t any hard proof who determines the winner. It isn’t who can skate the fastest or jump the highest. It’s a bunch of judges who, in their opinion, rate skaters on how well they “perform.”

FAY:
But there are a lot of obvious mark-offs when a skater falls down or wobbles when doing  a spin.

SNOB:
True, but if you have two skaters who don’t do either of those things then it’s all up to artist interpretation.

FAY:
Like this year.

SNOB:
Exactly. Lysacek defeats Plushenko by a single point. Neither of them fell down. Now how do you choose a winner?

FAY:
You seem to know a lot about the sport for one who hates it so much.

SNOB:
Sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing they air. The announcers praise the USA for winning the gold in figure skating out of all the medals America has tallied up. And that’s another thing. Medal counts. Why do they do that? I thought the Olympics were about representing your country and doing the best you can in the event you’re passionate about. Not a global competition to determine which country is the best by who has the most medals.

FAY:
I don’t know. Maybe it’s for all the people who don’t know a thing about the majority of the events. As long as their country is winning, they don’t care.

SNOB:
Sweet, curling is coming on next.

FAY:
Oh geeze.   How can you sit there and knock on an event where athletes are in the best shape of their lives then move onto the slowest paced sport in all of the Games.

SNOB:
Because curling rocks.

FAY:
You probably just want to turn it into a drinking game of some sort.

SNOB:
It’s already a drinking game. They just can’t do it in the Olympics.

FAY:
Even if they did, America would still lose.

SNOB:
Chalk another medal up for the Germans. So I guess that makes them overall number seven in the medal counts.  Why do they do that?

FAY:
Ugh. Listen. The last event for figure skating is coming on later and I would like to watch it without any idiotic commentary.

SNOB:
Impossible. I don’t even have to say anything. The announcers do that to themselves.

FAY:
I’m gonna triple salchow your face.