Celebrity Profile Status Updates on Twitter
BY RON MATTOCKS I MARCH 1, 2009
ARod: Getting ready to work out. I feel PUMPED!
Angelina: Sent Brad to the store for milk and diapers.
PrezHilton: ReTweet—Angelina sent Brad to the store for milk and diapers! Trouble?
JoelOsteen: Back from having teeth laser-whitened and Jesus gave me a BMW M5 series just for the hope my smile brings to the world! You can get one too!
HILARY2012: Headed to Africa on goodwill tour. Great experience for next election. Wonder what Palin is doing? Who rocks now?
ChrisBrown: In my ride heading to my girl Rihanna's crib and singing Wall to Wall.
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris can whiten teeth by shooting lasers from his eyes and then gives you a BMW if you call him Jesus
B_Clinton: Headed to oriental massage parlor for steam n cream experience. Wonder what Hilary is doing? Gonna get rocked tonight?
ARod: I just pressed 850 pounds! I feel PUMPED!
Palin2012: On big game hunt with good ol' buddy Dick Cheney
BradBoyPitt: On the way to the store for hair gel and something else.
PrezHilton: ReTweet—Brad's going to store for hair gel and something. Trouble?
Rihanna: Waiting for Chris to pick me up for the Grammy's—sounded mad on the phone????
OctaMom: Just found my disability check thrown in the toilet. Must've been one of the kids. Children are such a blessing from God! LOL!
PhelpsIsGold: Just chillin' with some of my friends, eatin' massive stacks of pancakes sprinkled with Cheetos and getting my picture taken. Awesome!
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris punched a woman in the head so hard that she lost her mind, then he punched her stomach and she had 8 kids on the same day!
Duggar18: @OctoMom, race you to 20? Winner gets $50 bucks.
MZuckerberg: Just updated Facebook terms of use. Go to http//:facebook.com/agreement/we.own.your.pathetic.effin.profile
OctaMom: @Duggar18 you're on! Children are such a blessing from God! LOL!
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris created Facebook by punching Mark Zuckerberg in the puss with a copy of When You Are Engulfed in Flames.
ARod: Taking a shower after my workout! I feel PUMPED!
MadoffMoney: new opportunities for increasing investment returns at my site Check out http://madoffmoney/me.no.lie/sukerz
PrezHilton: Was Rihanna going for a Tina Turner look at Grammy's? Girl, have you lost your mind?!
B_Clinton: Lost! Can't remember if I should go straight or turn right?
DavidSedaris: I find social media cold and impersonal like the doorknobs I licked as a child. For Hugo's sake, I joined. Maybe me tweet pretty one day.
YourFriendTom: I will pay $50 to Facebook users who switch over to Myspace. Come on. I'll be your new best friend!
ToothFairy: Just finished placing $50 under Rihanna's pillow. Damn Girl!
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris invented Myspace just by existing!
ARod: Reading David Sedaris's Engulfed in Flames after my workout! I feel PUMPED!
STeveJOBs: New for iPhone! In a strange town and can't find a brothel? Yeah, we got an app for that! http//:apple.com/iphone/appstore/whore.finder
Angelina: Wondering where Brad is with the milk and diapers?
PrezHilton: ReTweet—Angelina wonders where husband is! Trouble?
HILARY2012: Landed in Africa to begin goodwill tour. Great experience for next election. Suck this, Palin? ;-P
ARod: Just switched from Facebook to Myspace after my workout! I feel PUMPED!
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris invented the iPhone by giving Steve Jobs a 90mph roundhouse and knocking it from his bald head!
B_Clinton: New Brothel app on iPhone sucks! What say ye?
Joel Osteen: @
B_Clinton it hopelessly sucks =D
MZuckerberg: @
B_Clinton Yeah, it sucks.
DavidSedaris: @B_Clinton My hetero red-neck brother eloquently claims as only he can that it sucks. I miss my mother. Sigh
ChrisBrown: @B_Clinton WORD
YourFriendTom: @B_Clinton it sucks my friend
BradBoyPitt: @B_Clinton Sucks!!!
PrezHilton: ReTweet—Brad Pitt says iPhone Whore app sucks! Trouble?
PhelpsIsGold: @B_Clinton Dude, it so totally sucks.
MadoffMoney: @B_Clinton It does. BTW Bill, you still owe me $50 bucks.
ToothFairy: @B_Clinton big time suckage!
Palin2012: Watching ol' buddy Dick shooting at a hippo
HILARY2012: Taking sniper fire! Fo realz! Great experience for next election!
ARod: New iPhone app takes me straight to Madonna's house after my workout! I feel PUMPED!
STeveJOBs: New for iPhone! Want to sleep with Madonna? Yeah, we got an app for that! http//:apple.com/iphone/appstore/whore.finder
OctaMom: OMG! I'm PREGNANT! ...with QUADRUPLETS!!! Children are such a blessing from God! LOL!
Duggar18: @OctoMom...bitch
CHUCK_NORRIS: Chuck Norris squeezed a little blue bird so hard that he created Twitter!
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